Archive for June, 2007


Artist, humanitarian, hero.

Did you know I once wrestled and strangled a grizzly bear using only my thumbs in order to save some orphans? Yeah I’m great that way. Why was I only using my thumbs you ask? Well, I stumbled upon the helpless orphans while I was cleverly disguised, undercover, in a full bodycast in order to trap an evil mastermind plotting to destroy the world’s cake supply. Not on my watch buddy! I haven’t mentioned I’m a secret agent before? Step onto my private jet and let’s discuss it further baby.


Me baby, me!

Rough depiction of me, sans the kickass stache.


Sports aren’t manly.

You would be surprised how many women I talk to think some athlete is the pinnacle of humanity and masculine prowess. He’s not even necessarily very good at what he does, which is really the thing that boggles my mind. The mere fact that he’s engaged in some ridiculous made up activity is enough for him to be desirable, it seems. When did society go from admiring the athlete to worshiping the sport? The idea that muscular and athletic men are attractive I can understand, it’s some sort of remnant from our prehistoric past, further fueled by the media’s image of men. The different details and workings of this I’ll leave up to Darwinism and sociological research to explain but I think it can be pretty clearly stated that resourcefulness or intelligence come in a distant second for most women. Yes, we’ve all heard the idea that as long as a man is self-confident or has a sense of humor that’s all women really look for. That is complete and utter horseshit. If that were true I’d be knuckle-deep in vagina every other night. We are all, men and women, shallow in many respects. The only real difference is that men are more upfront about it.

Tell me this isn’t a little bit retarded…

But I digress. My real point here, which I’m fumbling towards, is that sports in and off themselves are utterly absurd and silly. I often make the comparison between sports and live action role-playing. They are both completely made up activities. People put on strange equipment and clothes and meet in some field, everyone plays for points according to some set of rules they’ve all agreed upon and when they’re done they pack up and go home. Only to begin anew in a while. The main contrast between the two is that one group of practitioners are hailed as gods and the other is a subculture ridiculed by most who know of their existence. Oh well, now some might say that sports include a lot of physical activity and thus it’s more of a legitimate diversion. Shit a brick.

It’s all just entertainment. If you like watching sports and cheering for some group of people bashing their skulls together, fine. Have a great time. Just don’t expect me to give two shits about when they win or lose. When one person or team finally trumps the others and wins the whole series/season/hoopla they take a little break, and then start all over again! Why do sports, and especially team sports, take up such a huge block of the media’s time? Again, it’s just entertainment. It doesn’t mean anything! At least fiction can grant some sort of insight into reality and truth as well as entertain you. Why are you paying these men, these athletes, millions and millions for frolicking in the sun?

As far as sports being manly let me just say this: Get back to me when you’ve been through the school of getting the shit kicked out of you, like I have. Running around on a field with your friends, hugging some dudes and getting a little dirt on your socks is not any more manly than dressing up as some mythological figure and throwing pine-cones at one another.

Did you know

..that I like stuff?


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