19
Oct
08

Leave Me My Fears.

There are certain things in life we all take for granted. Things that when you take a step back and reflect upon them are revealed to be quite absurd. What is it about the passage of time and turning the ceaseless repetition into tradition that make otherwise illogical things seem almost mundane? Why do we go about our lives in certain ways, why do we accept this? This is just a rather large and maybe preposterously convoluted way for me to say: Dogs are fucking scary!

Not all dogs mind you. The small ones I have no problem with. But most dogs taller than my knees freak me out somewhat. Hasn’t it occurred to anyone that dogs are animals with big teeth and powerful jaws? And they prefer to eat meat. That doesn’t scare anyone?

– “Well dogs are tamed?”

Bullshit! Dogs flip out all the time. Every other day some apparently docile and domesticated dog goes insane and chomps on someones ankles. If a dog gets a chance he’ll chew your fucking face off. It’s not like dogs have any real sense of right and wrong. Dogs aren’t more moral than any other animal. If a dog sees a winning outcome from him killing you and abusing your corpse he will do it. The only real reason why most dogs do not is that they consider you to be part of the same pack and probably that you’re also the dominant leader. You see, a dog is an idiot. Even a full grown St. Bernard which is twice as heavy as its owner (let’s say a 55 kilo girl named Jennifer with blond hair and no real muscle mass to speak off)  will be easily intimidated. Since she’s walking on two legs and is therefore higher above ground. Dogs are God damn morons.

This thing will kill your entire family!

In fact I’d say that the dogs that freak out and mangle someones face and genitals are probably the ones that got wise to this little bullshit deal we’ve got going here and decided to be free. Only they can’t quite grasp the idea of social constructs and rules and end up getting put to sleep. Because, like I said, a dog is stupid. That’s why I don’t trust dogs that are stronger than me. It’s like trusting a monkey with a gun. Sure it’s cute, almost quaint even. Until it figures out that it’s got the upper hand. And before you know it you’re ducking behind a dumpster, kneeling on a used tampon and two week old pizza. Trying to figure out what went wrong.

Not all fears are irrational.

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1 Response to “Leave Me My Fears.”


  1. October 21, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    Your ability to realize something no one ever really has thought of before, making an excellent point and being undeniably entertaining is exceptional.

    I laughed out loud, reading this. Enough said.


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