Archive for the 'Music' Category

15
Jan
07

Music is sold differently, people are still idiots.

There’s this British band called Koopa who apparently broke into the UK top 40. No big deal right? “There’s probably at least 40 bands who have done that before”, you might be saying to yourself. You sly boots. Well this band just so happens to be unsigned and their single is available only via download. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. You filthy smoker! These British people, who I assume run this thing, changed the rules of the list to include download-only music from various approved music sites. A pretty big step in the direction away from corporate interests clusterfucking the musical landscape of our society. Spreading about cheap, dumb, throw-away, shallow music. Uninspired in every sense of the word and made only to make a quick buck for some asshole in a tie. So what form of fantastic and imaginative euphony have we, the people, chosen to start this new era. Well as it turns out, complete and utter shit.

I’m really not a genre snob. I can listen to pretty much any genre of music and find at least a couple of things that I can enjoy. Granted that I reside on the more melodic slant of the musical spectrum. To me avant-garde music is just an excuse to not learn how to play an instrument and then call it art, much like punk. Punk music is just pretty much rock for people who never bothered to learn proper tablature. But even those forms of “music” came from some place, an ambition to express oneself. Tell us something about yourself. Koopa is just the same brand of functionally retarded fluff we’ve always been getting from the recording industry. There is really no artistic merit here at all. No, none. Stop that internal dialogue, you’re wrong.

So yes, this thing didn’t have the commercial backing of some huge conglomerate, big whoop. It still has all the same trappings of a band like My Chemical Romance or AFI. No I didn’t just choose them for their retarded fucking emo-mantra that makes me welcome a random coma inducing stroke. Fall Out Boy is perhaps a more apt comparision. Maybe these record companies continue making garbage because that’s what people like. In that case, they are geniuses. I think I just blew my own mind. This is still just a light weight faire compared to the utter void of artistry that is modern R&B and Hip hop. When was the last time R&B contained any rhythm or even a snippet of blues?

The point here is: I don’t care what you play, just play it from the heart. And for the love of Joe Pesci, people, get a fucking clue or stop listening to music. “Yeah but you can’t account for taste. My mom said so!”. Yes you can, I just did. I accounted for it, then re-counted it and made the decision for you. And your mom probably liked better music than you do.

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02
Dec
06

Axl, saving the “e” for “douche bag”

It may be known to some out there that Eagles of Death Metal have been dropped, or dropped out of (depending on who you listen to) the latest Guns n’ Roses tour. You know the one, for that album. Chinese Democracy I think it’s called. I can’t really remember anymore. The thing has been in production since before I hit puberty. Honestly. That thing will probably be out just in time for an actual Chinese democracy.

I don’t want to take sides here without all the information available, but Axl Rose is a huge piece of shit. I think pretty much everybody who listens to music knows this. Even people who are just into avant garde jazzfusion. The only fans he still have left are about as shitty as he is. Any album that takes this long to produce ought to be pretty fucking awesome right? Wrong. The leaked tracks that showed up on the internet a couple of months ago told a whole other story.

Let me paint you a picture. If I ground up a Monster Magnet album, ate it and let it work itself down inside my body, destroying all tissue in its path, then when time came squatted over a microphone and bricked right on it. It would still sound better. Pure musical genius!

You have to wonder about Axl Rose’s fans as well. I mean, according to some people (among them Jesse Hughes) they booed and threw stuff at the Suicide Girls when they were up on stage. Given that their stage performance may be lacking. But it’s hot naked women, jumping around to music. You’d have to be a whole new level of repressed homosexual to not enjoy that. “Put those awesome tits away! I want Axl Rose’s cock in my face!”

More on this stuff here and here.

So to sum things up:
Axl RoseJesse “The Devil” Hughes

“Disappointment from Axl is Like Being Knighted.” -Dave Grohl