Posts Tagged ‘Ass

12
Mar
09

A much smarter ape.

Humans kick ass. That is the one universal truth that we can all learn from our short little moment on this earth. The great lesson is not the beauty of nature, the delusions of God’s greatness or any other man-made construct, other than this. We, as a species, need not fear any other animal. Given enough time we will figure out its weakness, kill and eat it. Or turn its carcass into some amusing product to help make our lives more interesting.

Humans beings are dumb, selfish, evil, gluttonous, self-involved, murderous, vile and utterly irrational most of the time. I take no issue with this view  of the human race. What needs to be considered however is that all of these negative attributes we possess are concepts we have created. Any animal, even the little fuzzy ones we find cute, are much worse than the most horrid person. By our standards.

Show me a walrus that can play the violin or a chipmunk that has deeply theorized on its own existence and I might change my tune. Until then I’ll enjoy being a dirty stinking ape, of the more clever variety.

We are the crowning achievement of creation. As of yet.

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03
Nov
08

Random musings from a random mind.

On language:

The person who coined the phrase “A picture is worth a thousand words.” was clearly not familiar with minimalist photography. I’ve seen some pictures that could be summed up with a single sentence. Or a hand gesture.

If cash is king, does that mean that weed is the jester of the court? And what then is credit? Not to mention what ass is in this little period piece. I demand to know where all forms of payment stand in the social hierarchy of feudal despotism.

“Free speech zones” is such an oxymoron that I think you could actually stop time if you stand exactly half way between two of these areas and say something controversial. Either that or the very fabric of space will rip open like a bed sheet and cause the end of the universe. That’s powerful stupid.

That someone can be “legally blind” would seem to indicate that there are forms of blindness that are illegal. What would be the punishment for being illegally blind? A blind person probably fares pretty well in prison. It’s not like a blindey (a word for blind people I just made up) is going to get depressed by the view, or the lack of freedom to roam. What are the authorities going to do? Sew their ears shut?

On violence:

If a woman ever kicks me in the balls I’m going to punch her in the cunt at the first chance I get. I’ll swear to whatever imaginary character you want on that. I can’t even picture myself hitting a woman in any other situation (pun intended in every possible way). It’s not alright to strike nads, unless some sort of attempt at rape is involved. And even then there are nuances and levels.

Like in the movie Robocop when he shoots that rapist in the dick. That shit ain’t cool. OK? It’s excessive penis punishment. There’s an entire gray-scale when it comes to dick violence. You can’t just go around blowing blasting exploding off penises at every sign of trouble. When in doubt, aim for the face. That’s what I always say.

Think of the guy’s parents. I suspect they would much rather have a closed casket service and know that their son’s genitalia is at the very least still attached to his body. It’s comforting.

“Well thank God they shot him in the fucking face, huh?” – they’ll be saying.

On blogs:

Most bloggers write as if they’re trying to break their computers, and my tiny little brain. Random clusters of misspelled words describing their mind-numbingly boring activities. A mash of garbled words and meaning assault my senses. They should at minimum have the decency to punctuate properly. This will allow me to more easily discern when the first sentence is over. That way I can stop reading at the earliest possible moment, turn off my computer, go outside and weep a little for a language lost.

On love:

We all want to be loved, but we do not all get to be. The amount of love in the world is not equal to the number of people. Unfortunately some of us will have to do without at times. Think of it as a rolling blackout of love. All the more happy you will be when the light finally returns to your life, sooner or later.

Even the most evil and vile dictator, who has worked very hard at being feared, would much rather be loved. He just doesn’t know know how, since he’s a sociopath. Yet the yearning remains. There’s nothing abnormal or unusual or unnatural with the need to be loved. Just with some of the ways we go about trying to attain it. Beating someone to death with a strap-on is not acceptable, whatever the motivation behind it.

Love is if anything irrational. It can’t be quantified with reason or logic. We should not even try. To do so would be to diminish it. To make it into something less than it deserves to be. Maybe some find it alluring to try to decide what love ought to be in their lives and when it is to appear.

To me, it just seems preposterous. You’re the master of your own fate, not of the very essence of your being.