Posts Tagged ‘Life

24
Dec
08

Accessorize, exercise, jizz.

Sex as a subject has become rather pathetic, to be frank. The myth that those who sleep with a lot of random people are really confident is complete and utter horse shit. In my experience men and women who behave in this way are in fact incredibly insecure. Constantly seeking confirmation and reassurance that they are as beautiful as they have convinced themselves. Is that acting secure?

Turning sex into some sort of power game or just immediate gratification drains it of all passion. I don’t want sex to just be pieces of meat flapping against one another. Marinated in alcohol and anxiety. People shouldn’t be picked up like accessories. You are not the centre of the cosmos. Your fleeting happiness is not the answer to the mysteries of life. Get over yourself. And the two of you clumsily jamming your genitals together on your room mates well-worn old couch is not passionate and sexy. No matter how many times you repeat this lie to yourself in an attempt to maintain that  hard on/stay wet.

I gave up one night stands some time ago. At first it wasn’t a moral choice or even one that came out of any deeper introspection. It was just a path taken out of a practical nature. People in general are absolutely terrible at fucking. Just awful. The quality was never as good as with someone I got a little bit familiar with. People who have such low self-esteem that they pathologically need to swallow another human beings bodily fluids every weekend tend to not have been in many meaningful relationships of any greater lengths. Therefore they have, out of a strictly numerical standpoint, fucked far fewer times. Practice makes perfect. There appears to be a tipping point where the quality of the bedroom shenanigans and the quantity of sexual partners converge and then invert. Both in a grander scheme and in specific situations.

Taking pride in appearing sexually attractive to people who will fuck just about anything is like being proud that you are Garry Glitter’s search engine of choice. It’s at best quite meaningless, at worst loathsome.

Tickling the fancy of someone you find to be truly unique. Having them share their innermost contrivances. Being able to disappoint in a painful way. That is sexy. That is beautiful. Poking someone in the groin while trying to refrain from spewing because of the motion and too much tequila is not. Unknown people are not. Acting tough will never be.

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19
Dec
08

Stringbeany Arguments.

Eating meat is not immoral. And the people who claim that it is should fuck off. This is what I’m going to be proving as this little post zips along at a hopefully comfortable pace.

The main problem I have with vegetarians and vegans that have chosen their dietary habits upon moral convictions is not that they seem to be stuck in a convoluted circular argument but that they are intolerant and refuse to take a debate. I myself can be quite intolerant, I do not believe that we can all be right about all things at every possible situation, I however always leave an opening for debate. A possibility for everyone to lay forth an argument for their case. No vegan/vegetarian seems willing to do so. They open up with a condemnation of my ethical code and then do not even give me the benefit of questioning their motivations. Claiming intolerance on my part. No sir or madame, you are the one being intolerant.

Of course I’m going to defend myself in a more knee-jerk reactionary way if you confront me with ethical accusations. However, underlying my sharpened tone is a well thought out thesis. A series of moral arguments which reach a conclusion. Let me deconstruct some parts of it for you. To lay it bare for inspection. Eating other organisms is required for your own survival. That’s a given. Where some draw the line seems very murky to me. Apparently the clincher is intelligence in some form. What exactly does this intelligence manifest itself as? You could argue that a pig or a cow or a monkey are self-aware in one way or another. Alright. Is a shrimp or fish self-aware? Hardly. They only function according to very simple natural instincts. They just mindlessly repeat actions and react to their environment. If anything they are organic machines.

Even the more intelligent animals we use in farming owe their entire existence to us. None of them would be here were it not for human ingenuity. Does that not then give us some license to continue their existence? The combined realities of market forces and the physical characteristics of these animals guarantee that they would not be able to subsist without human society. Life’s continuation necessitates us generating money from breeding, selling and eating these animals. It becomes a requirement that I enjoy a good steak once in a while for their species to survive. You think a cow would fare well in the wild? They’re a bear’s equivalent of a bacchanal.

That is another point. There are other animals besides ourselves that eat meat. They are out there killing each other. All the time. Are they somehow immoral? Using such logic you would have to concede that they are, something a vegan would never admit though. They have so little familiarity with actual nature outside of Disney movies that they believe animals have human characteristics. Such as the moral concepts of good and evil, personality and emotions. Anthropomorphizing animals into just being humans with fur and strange ears performing little song and dance routines. They are not privy to these ideas we have compiled on life, the world and morality.

This is the sharp contrast these highfalutin supposedly ethically conscious vegetarians cannot grasp. We humans are animals, not separated from nature by a glass wall. We are governed by natural instincts and our evolutionary past. Yet at the same time we are unique in that we have the ability to be moral. And if morality is not strictly a human attribute we are without a doubt the only ones who can analyze it. We can formulate strings of thought and hypothesize on the inner workings of our own morality. Lay down arguments on why one should behave and be a certain way and not another. To then communicate this to other minds is absolutely awe inspiring. Either we humans are unique in having the concept of morality (and are thus better) or animals behave in an immoral fashion at almost every point in their lives. This would also make us better than our fuzzy little woodland friends. Which is it guacamole lovers?

Inflicting pointless harm and pain on another living and breathing being is to be appalled, of course it is. But why am I in the wrong because I enjoy consuming the carcass of an animal? Most of them have lived a relatively stress free and painless life. Far more enjoyable than a creature in the wild, trust me. If you want change, demand more reforms. Help make sure that farming is done properly. Don’t alienate the majority of people by taking a moral high ground of your own construction. If you look closely at it you will discover that it’s just a mound of bullshit that you’re standing on.

Bacon, pork chops, barbecue ribs, hamburgers, steaks, grilled chicken and cutlets. Yummy and enticingly scrumptious. Can I please retain one of the few pleasures in life?

20
Nov
08

An Ode to Odious Drinking.

Having fun with a rhyme for rum. Less and less glum. If only whisky would have told me, vodka is the only thing that can hold me. Sipping, drinking, chugging, heaving, burping, downing, gulping, pouring, puking, restarting. A cheer for more beer – hooray!

That burning liquid hits your stomach with a splash. Squish squish, the start of a rash. It nestles up next to that half-eaten kebab. Pulling it close, pretty soon it’ll come out your nose. Hugging the sides of your innards. Making room for wine. Don’t worry about the double vision, you’ll be fine.

Stumbling about town, every stranger with a frown. Get out of my way lady! I’m looking for a clown. Good ideas when drunk, thunk with a handful of skunk. He’s bound to be around here somewhere. Get out here, you son of a bitch! Hey, what’s that itch? A billy club opening up a stitch. A crack, a rattle and a sound. Here comes the ground.

Why is it called The Tank? It’s not even partially filled with liquid.

30
Oct
08

Back to you in the studio.

Dear television humanoids, please stop showing me weather reports all the time. For the love of all that is holy please stop! Neither I nor anyone else living in the 21st century has any use for them. Also, I have no idea what those little  arrows and lines on the map really mean. Is that the direction the weather is moving in? Isn’t weather all around us all the time? Sort of like the Unitarian definition of God?

Weather used to play a huge part in the lives of everyday people. It dictated what you could do, and when you could do it. With little chance of escaping it. Man was subject to patterns of nature he couldn’t quite understand. Over time we have tried to develop new ways of understanding weather systems and their causes. Doppler radar and incredibly complex computer models have given us small advances in our knowledge of these phenomena. But a modern person has no use for this information.

What the hell does any of this mean?

We live in houses, drive cars, wear proper clothing and work in climate controlled office buildings. A normal person does not spend hours a day outside exposed to the elements. That only happens if something has gone awry. Besides, chances are they won’t remember what the weather man said this morning anyway. They were too busy trying to wash the vomits stains out of their dress socks. Big promotion coming up!

Unless it’s a huge hurricane of shit heading my way it won’t affect my life in any real way. And I think such an event would warrant a small segment of its own. Somewhere between the feel-good story of a kitten being rescued from a well and the sports results. I don’t need to know the possible weather four days from now. For most of us simply looking out the window before deciding for or against wearing a jacket should suffice.

What’s the weather going to be like tomorrow? More or less like yesterday. The earth won’t suddenly start spinning backwards on its own axis. It’s not going to start raining upwards. Hot won’t be cold. And November is not going to be a pleasantly sunny month. Meteorology is mostly just guesswork in front of a green screen. Suit up and let’s roll.

27
Feb
08

A Modest Wish

To whom it may concern. (you know who you are)

Your love is the child seat going through the windshield that is my heart in the great traffic collision of life. We two do not have time for rational solutions, we’re wanted for assaulting a circus monkey. The perfect crime, some would say. The perfect crime for the perfect partner, that is you.

As you well know there is a thin line between hugging someone and holding them down so that they can’t escape. I will never escape from you, you’re a much faster runner.

So many memorable things have happened to us, unfortunately I can not remember any of these events. Does alcohol effect the memory? I think I read that somewhere once. In any event, I really like spending time with you. And also, you smell nice. Which is important in this smell-oriented modern world of ours.

Here’s hoping we won’t grow tired of each other in the near future.

– Dedicated to someone who did not love me.

Ps.
FUCK YOU!

19
Jan
08

Narrow, Shallow and Small.

Narrow

Why does every debate and every issue have to revolve around gender? What makes men and women different, be it biologically or culturally, always seems to be the main focus. How has society separated and suppressed women this time? Granted, I myself have made such observations from time to time but I don’t see it as the mainstay of my intellectual self. I have other things up there, in that noggin of mine. Other ideas and musings that do not touch upon feminist theory or opposing ideals. What sort of cognitive pretzel would you have to twist yourself into in order to make absolutely everything about gender equality?

Shallow

We all live in a miniature world. Everything is so close these days, and so fast. Immediately accessible to anyone at any time. This is mostly a good thing. One side effect though seems to be the ever decreasing attention spans and simpler trails of thought. Quite often people can’t even hold one encompassing thought in their heads for more than a few minutes. Let alone two directly opposed ones. These aren’t kids with ADD, ADHD or some other disorder, these are “normal” adults. It is quite possible that this has always been the case and that it’s only become much more visible now that everyone has a way of expressing themselves to a greater number of people. The Internet is the great repository of this brain-goop. The great mental meltdown of society.

Small World
This is where we live.



This tiny little world we live in is all our tiny little plastic brains can handle. Everything is clear-cut, prefabricated and safe in its sameness. Selecting what you want to see and hear and feel. Not everything is going to revolve around what you take an active interest in. Not everything is going to be about child welfare, the environment or gender equality. Noble subjects as they may be. Human society and life is infinitely more complex than that.

Small

The entire concept of personal responsibility has utterly gone out the window. Like some fad that we’ve found quaint and discarded. Nothing is your fault anymore. It’s your genes, upbringing, circumstance and society that’s to blame for everything that’s wrong with you and your life. Of course all of these different aspects play a role in shaping people. But you do have a brain with a cerebral cortex capable of reason and thought. It’s a wonder anyone gets held responsible for anything anymore.

You can’t keep up with being a parent and working? Maybe you should have had less kids. How about you at least get the first one right before you pump out another one? A smaller house would mean less cleaning. Less frilly and expensive clothing would mean less laundry and less shopping. You don’t need to be a top executive at a soulless corporation some day. So what if the lawn is untidy? Trust me, all these pointless activities and fads that you’re wasting the best years of your life on won’t mean anything. The one with the most toys doesn’t win, they just leave behind more garbage to be thrown away and discarded. After all, we need to make way for more pointless shit. Are we really such small people?

This is not as pointed or succint as it ought to be. I hope to one day be smart enough for that.